Return of Callista
by stupid-gizka
Summary: What if Callista returns to the Academy? But the Academy is no longer as she remembers... Luke,Mara,Katarn,Callista and drunken Durron included.


**Title:** Return of Callista  
**Author:** Blizzy aka stupid-gizka  
**Co-Author:** Milwa  
**Rating:** PG  
**Timeline:** After The Jedi Academy trilogy (and after Callista's departure, of course)  
**Disclaimer:** Nothing of this belongs to me. I apologize to Lucas and anyone else I might offend.  
**Author's notes:  
Note one:** There is one thing to say first. I hate Callista. Forever.  
**Note two:** This idea isn't quite mine. It belongs to Milwa. She wrote it down in Czech and I took the liberty of re-workingand translating it. (With her permission).  
**Note three:** This story is completely insane. Really it is. This is a very tame example of my and Milwa's humor.  
**Note four:** I love feedback. Please review and criticize whatever your opinion is.  
**Note five**: English is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes.  
**Note six:** Gee, already six notes? Anyway, I managed to get this story beta'ed. Hope you'll enjoy it.

* * *

"You seem very downcast, my dear. Even informal, this morning...to the Sith with my nerf steaks," slurred drunken Kyp Durron in conversational tone to nearby moss-covered wall. 

A handful of students exploded in spasms of laughter. Suddenly they were blinded by a sharp, radiant glow. It was just glowing Jagged Fel with Jaina Solo promenading the hallways. He shone with military perfection. Pure hero.

Kyle Katarn was trading verbal skirmishing and lightsaber slashing with Mara Jade. Jacen unleashed his whole pack of his pet vornskrs and Tionne tried to play on her brand new instrument of torture. Solusar had been quiet for almost two months except for one sentence, not longer than three words. The whole throne room was painted green. Obvious culprit was Corran Horn.

And Luke Skywalker was sickened with Callistodepression. He whined and meditated all day long…

/-/-/-/-/

A young and extraordinaly beautiful woman in a close-fitting dress threw shocked glances all over Academy's main hall. Then she stepped forward.

"Moldy moron!"

"Ha! You are nothing without A lightsaber!"

"Hahaha! But I have my ol' trusty blaster, you idiot!"

"HAHAHA!"

"What are you laughing at, stupid merc!"

"Excuse me? Where I could find..."

"You don't have any blaster, dear! You forgot it in my apartment ... last night!"

"WHAT! How dare you even imply that I ... "

"Excuse me!"

Mara finally acknowledged someone's presence due to Katarn's hungry stare.

"Yes?" barked an irate Jade.

"I'm trying to find Luke Skywalker," replied the young woman primly. Mara glared vibrodaggers at her. She hated young women that were _trying to find Luke Skywalker_. Students assembled into a small crowd. They were expecting a good show, as usual. However, Kyle was quicker than Mara's fist and dragged the woman to the turbolift.

The students were displeased and made rude sounds not far from "booo".

/-/-/-/-/

Kyle carefully stuck his head into the meditation room. Luke was sleeping soundly.

"Luke... you have a guest," he whispered tentatively.

The Jedi Master came around and snorted. "Tell Mara that I have no wishes to see her."

"It's not Mara," scowled Katarn.

"Hi, Luke," said the beautiful woman and Skywalker turned around in astonishment.

Mara managed to see Luke as he dashed towards his guest. Then she heard very enthusiastic cries and Katarn's affected weeping. Mara Jade got highly annoyed.

/-/-/-/-/

Luke Skywalker, clad in his best ceremonial Jedi blacks, descended gracefully down the stairs with the young, attractive lady at his side. Groups of students just stared in disbelief while brighter ones fled to shelters, fearing the wrath of Mara Jade.

Luke cleared his throat and spoke. "I would like to introduce you to our new student and my very close friend, Callista."

Kyp's mouth went dry and he was unable to utter even one witty retort. Solusar overcame himself and said extremely long sentence: "Can I be her Master?" Skywalker's death glare discouraged everybody from saying anything.

"She has a detonator!" screamed Durron tipsily in the awkward silence and furiously pointed somewhere above Luke's head. Of course, no one took him seriously.

Mara grinned devilishly and activated the grenade.

Callista yanked Skywalker out of the way. An infernal detonation reverberated through the entire temple. Padawans squealed and confusedly ran among even more confused Masters. Kyp walked around in circles and called for his mommy. Smoke and chaos were everywhere.

Luke woke up, stunned. An unconscious Callista was lying on top of him. Before he could appreciate this pleasant fact, someone dragged Callista roughly away. In her place appeared the angry face of Mara Jade.

And her blaster.

More than conscious Callista unexpectedly kicked Mara in her stomach and sent her flying down the broken stairs. Then she activated the lightsaber. Luke's lightsaber.

Students squealed in horror and Kyle had already fled deep in the jungle.

Epilogue  
"Do you even want your daughter to marry someone like me? And why in fact don't we encounter more punctures and infections 'bout our sticky group?" hollered Kyp and collided with A doorframe. Jagged shone more than ever. Solusar was suspected for dumbness. Tionne broke her lute over last remaining vornskr. Already two other temples were painted with vibrant green.

And Luke had Callistodepression.

* * *


End file.
